i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We need a shit load of segways right now
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
