Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Sober January is a disaster.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
