tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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