i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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