Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
