her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize