I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
