Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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