dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
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Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
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I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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