my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
