I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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