***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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