he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
