He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
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Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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