New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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