i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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