Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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