Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
