atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
