p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
