He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
