I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
