I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
