so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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