his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
