also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
