Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
