it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
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In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize