3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
