Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
