I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize