Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
