Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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