I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
