he wants to bone in the snuggie
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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