Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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