Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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