Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
