I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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