my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
