Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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