I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
