I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
