The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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