I skipped work to stalk him.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
wow bdsm is so cute
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
