Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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