My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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