i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
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No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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