how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
