Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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