direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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