if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
this beer tastes like vomit already
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
