so explain again why im purple
no
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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