Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
