look no pants
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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