Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
