It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
