honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
