You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
