In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
