im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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