I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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