Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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