My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
