I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
