moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
