Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
