I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We are all done wearing pants today
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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