I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
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